Thursday, July 15, 2010

Life changes

The filly and the colts are all growing up. They are between 2 months & 3 months old, they mature at a different rate than humans and even dogs. They are beautiful and funny, inquisitive, smart and sometimes a bit attitudish. They're moms are just all about eating and letting the little ones learn about life away from them from time to time. If the little ones spend to much time away from mama they get called, just like a human would, and the babies if they haven't seen their mamas in awhile will call for them to find them and then get to them asap. The youngest baby who we call Little Man has become so sweet, he runs up to dad and I every morning so we can pet and rub him, he also like to get his bottom scratched like the others do. He isn't as scary as he used to be which is fantastic, he is inquisitive and has learned to be away from his mama a bit more though not as much as the older kids. He is a beautiful color, they all have the same daddy but they each have a different color its amazing how their genetic line makes the difference in how they turn out. They are going to be gorgeous for sure. Little Girl is turning out to look like a carbon copy of her mama, my dad says she will be even better than her mom and should this be the case her mom will be sold and she will replace her as a brood mare, crazy how this works. If it were me we'd keep them all forever. We have a mare here that was born at the ranch, her name is Poco, she is black gorgeous and sweeeeeeettttt. Her disposition is just great, she is broken to ride and had her first baby, a boy, last year, he got sold this year and she wasn't happy about his being taken away but she got over it. She loves being spoken to and rubbed and brushed I just love her and hope we keep her with us forever. She will be having our only baby next year. The ranch is coming together, getting cleaned up getting our projects completed, its nice to be apart of this undertaking. I respect my dad so much and admire him a great deal he just lives his dreams and doesn't slow down, such an extraordinary man. I want to be of assistance to him in his expansion of the ranch and the house I want to help him as much as I can and make it the dream my dad had and my mom had for Quad P Quarters.

Now my personal life in Oxford, well I wont be teaching this fall on campus, I just couldn't afford what they were able to offer at this time, but I hope that things will improve in the budget for next year or maybe even the next semester. I am signing with an agent, YES! ETA Elzemeyer Talent Agency in Memphis, hopefully some great things will come from this for both parties. And I landed a part in an August Wilson play, JOE TURNERS COME AND GONE. Its with Hattiloo Theatre, in Memphis, TN, the only black theatre in the region and I am excited and look forward to what the future holds. On another note, I broke up with my boyfriend, this just occured so its fresh and painful. I love him, I hope he loved me, I just think we are from two different worlds and the things I need in my man he isn't ready to give me at this time or maybe ever but I did learn a lot and I am grateful he was in my life (hopefully he will remain in it), he is a fabulous man in his way and I wish him nothing but the best. So I am single again, dang! I just feel like maybe I need to give up on this thing called relationship, I am not good at them it appears, I tend to fall for men I feel I have to save, I learned this in this relationship, its the captain-save-a-man syndrome and its bad. Every man I have fallen in love with I initially said hell no to, there was no way I would date them for various reasons, I knew that we were not truly compatible yet I went into a relationship with them anyway. Why do I do this?! desperation? stupidity? fear of being alone? captain-save-a-man? unsure of my worth? not enough love for myself? my need to be in control? fear of getting hurt and going for the guy who is there and tells me he loves me? I don't know what the issue is or maybe I do and its right in my face and I am writing them down now (take heed) but I do know I have to make some changes and number one has to be making myself happy as I am alone. I know I don't need a man, I know this, I want a man, I want to be a wife and mother, I've dreamed of it, I dream of it, but I have to love me by myself through and through and I have to be patient and let the universe bring me and the right man together, keeping faith and being true to my needs and wants is going to be the key I believe. I can't begin dwelling in the pain of breaking up, I mean I am allowing the pain to happen I just can't beat myself up for it and dwell in it forever. I plan to enjoy the rest of this summer and look forward to what this fall brings, you never know anything can happen. I met and fell for a great guy, sweet carrying honest faithful wise country, and I didn't make a mistake, I just didn't take into consideration that I needed a bit more in my man than this one is able to give at this time, (who knows he might become all I need and I all he needs, we might get together again, there is love there) but right now I have to stick to my guns and not feel like I am settling just because of a need to be loved by a man. I hope I am making since and I hope I am not seen as a crazy woman going through this. Advice from others is great and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Maybe my current plight will open someone else eyes to theirs. So there it is folks, what I am going through now, OHHHHHH I got P90X and plan to start this work out in the next week after getting all the equipment I need. I need to post my before shot and then in 90 days my after. I can tell yall how much I weigh, this will keep me on the straight and narrow on the road to health, 200 lbs, yes I weigh 200 lbs, I can't believe it either, 5'4 and that weight, UGH! I also bought a juicer and my dad and I have been juicing every morning its great I love doing it and we feel already like our insides are getting healthier. I am going to also take yoga, but I guess I have to be dedicated to following P90X for 90 days first. I'll keep yall posted on all that takes place as usual. Be blessed!

No comments:

Post a Comment