Circle of Life

Yesterday was my sisters birthday, boy she is growing up and getting old, LOL. Love her though can't help it.

We fed the horses and cleaned the yard. It was hot at 8am, I mean damn hot. We worked in the yard until 10am and let me tell you I was pouring sweat like a whore in church, like a pig over a fire pit. Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip etc. We raked up the grass that dad had cut, it was a work out trust me. The horses were like, its to hot to do much of anything but find shade and eat. Our Big Man is 3 months now and Little Girl will be 4 months tomorrow, soon they will be weened. Its so sad that they have to depart from their moms soon, they are getting big, growing up and becoming such beautiful horses. We really have some amazing animals, such gorgeousness. My dad breeds our mares well. The unfortunate part is that the industry is financially affected by the economy, so what would have sold for ridiculous amounts of money doesn't. Our babies are worth so much, but you have to answer to the economy and what everyone in the industry is doing. While at the sale in Memphis it was so clear that no one was able to afford much even for well bread horses. Its a tough industry but its worth the work that is entailed in it. I look forward to learning more about it.

I am spreading myself a little thin though, acting, dealing with the horses, working out everyday, and finding a lucrative career to take on. But I do this, its my MO as they say, I have to be doing more than one thing at a time or I wouldn't be content. Keeps my mind going, and makes me feel like I am achieving my goals, well actually I am achieving them. I realized that I am truly blessed, blessed to be from the family I am, to have the things I do and for living the life I live. Its pretty special to be able to hang with my daddy and learn his passion as well as pursue mine. I have had to learn that life isn't always what you think it should be but it is what its suppose to be and my life is pretty good as it is. I have met some really great people in Oxford, I was hopeful I would but I wasn't sure I would. So far I've been able to enjoy everyone I have hung out with. Yesterday I was invited to join a group of wine/liquor tasters, made up of mostly professors from the campus who have transplanted here to teach. I was welcomed in and found what I hope will be some pretty great friends. Oxford, MS is small, and there are some weird differences here, things I am not used to, but it has its cool points as well. Everyone should come visit me in Oxford, while I am still here :-)

Another note, Paul Rudd, a teacher at Actor's Studio Drama School, passed away yesterday. I never had him as my teacher, I got to do a work shop with him and I was always able to talk to him about acting and he was always a joy and honest and to the point. A great artist, a great man of love, he was cherished by all of us at ASDS and will be missed terribly, but if we have belief in anything have belief that one day we will meet again and it will be with loads of light and great music, sex, dancing, laughing, performing and good wine. Much love to you Mr. Rudd, until we meet agian, cheers!

Sugar

I know I know its been a while since i have written. i have been on the road and just working on me. I went to a horse show in Tulsa, Oklahoma with my dad. We saw a black rodeo, it was called Cowboys of Color. Never had seen that, thought I had because as a kid we knew black cowboys and saw them rodeo, I had a serious crush at 7 - 10 years old on a black cowboy named Raymond Culter, who used to work on training our horses with my dad. I just loved him, had dreams of us being a couple, the man was in his twenties and as I said was a kid, it wasn't gonna happen. Anyway my dad is still in contact with Ray, he is doing alright, has a wife and kids and still messes with horses. So we saw these black cowboys, many were FINE, just sexy in their duds, but then a lot were flashy and that turned me off a whole lot. I can't understand why black folk have to be flashy about almost everything we do. I mean these men had pierced ears with fake diamonds or maybe they were real, in their ears while riding a bull and roping cattle and bull dogging which is to slide off a horse while its running after a steer(which has horns) and grab the steer and pull it down. Its dangerous stuff, and earrings and necklaces should not be worn! I was like WTF?! what happened to old fashioned cowboys who didn't believe a man should wear earrings period, who chew tobacco and sleep on the ground in dirt with the saddle as their pillow? what happened to the cowboys who were just rugged, rough dirty but clean up well? I miss those guys, I love those guys, they are sexy! I sure would marry a cowboy, if he had all the other qualities I need in a man. Speaking of marrying, i finally hung with my ex yesterday and today. We had a good time, just talked a lot about nothing and then of course me being me I got us on the subject of us and why he hasn't fought to make me stay with him and keep the relationship. Why he hadn't called me at all not even to check on me, I've called him I even lied to my dad and said he called me so I didn't feel like an idiot for calling him to meet up yesterday. I called him and he called me back and I said I was wanting to go have a drink and he said he would go with me if I wanted so we met up and went to a lake near my home and had bottles of what we both like, he had bought them a while ago for us, and we had a couple drinks and talked. Then today he came over because he left his phone in my car, but he stayed and watched tv and the Cowboy/Bangles game which was horrible and long. He told me he thinks of me everyday all day, he misses me he wanted to give me my space and he was going to call me. I guess one of my down falls in life is that I have no patience and I am a dreamer, I dream of how love should be, i dream of how a relationship should go when reality is much different, its not like the movies. I don't know, I love this man, I told his family we were not dating now, one of his friends, and they all pretty much said that is fine our relationship doesn't change and he loves me and you never know you guys may end up back together. My sister said she thinks we well because every relationship has to go through a big break up. My dad teases me though I have the feeling he is hoping we don't get together again, but he wants me to be happy just worries that we aren't fully compatible, but then my dad is also supportive of what I want, he also thinks Mike can change but that he has to want to do it and he has to do it, I can't make him. Mike lacks some serious ambition. But he told me he is going to show me that he is changing, and he thinks its not to late for us. He wants to be married to me and have children, so he will show me how much. I guess I will just have to see, but I am not going to sit on the side lines and wait for him to show me, I am going to live my life like its golden and if he comes through then we will be a couple and if he is to late because another man gets me, then he is to late. I pray he comes through, cause yall he really is a good man in so many ways.

I am now preparing for rehearsals to begin on the play I'll be doing in Memphis, looking forward to it. Met some cool people at the theatre's season premiere party this past Saturday. It was fun to see black folk who are in the arts loving it so much. Met a really cool lady who just welcomed me into her world and I hope to hang out with her and her friends very soon. I know this is going to be a great experience and I will want to do it again and again and again.

I saw my sister, went to her house before going to the theatre party, she looks good, sounds good and focused, very proud of her. I know how family is, we fight but we get over things as well. I love my sister so very much, she is my sister and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. We get heated but it okay because we are smart enough to get over things. She has a lot of great qualities and I know in the end she loves me a hell of a lot and she would be there for me if anything were serious, and vice verse.

Well this is me now, trying to live a full life and be open to its possibilities. I am still looking for the right career for me, crazy right, but I may have found it, I'll keep you all posted as it develops and of course acting is forever in my blood and I'll do it till I can't and now horses have become a great past time, love learning about them, they are such beautiful animals. OH, our 3 month old colt who we call Big Man, got into the horse trailer today so he could eat. We have had the trailer backed up to his stall for weeks now and he was too afraid to step up and get in but my dad came in the house after feeding them this evening and said mission accomplished he got in. Its a milestone, very proud of that young baby. He had to see it was okay, his mama has been going in and out forever, she gets fed in there and he wasn't getting any food cause it was all in the trailer but finally he got hungry enough and said, F*&% it and got in. Now we have two other babies to work on and to get him halter lead. At the shows we went to we could have taken Big Man and he would have blown the babies we saw out of the water. We have some pretty damn good looking horses! I want us to breed one of the mares to a halter winning stud and I want to raise the baby into a halter horse. Maybe I can talk dad into doing that for me, but I know it will be my responsibility to get that horse in top shape. That is a challenge, am I ready to take it on?................